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Why is it that I seek darkness when I’m surrounded by light ?
Why is it I am in pain when I seem to heal others ?
Why do I constantly seek misery whilst wanting glory
Why do I imprison myself whilst I preach freedom ?
Why is it I seem to touch God, yet act as the Devil incarnate ?
Why do we say something and yet do something ?
Why is it we are unable to see the darkness within even as we bathe in light ?
Why is it we choose a daily pocketful of suicide even as we are showered with life ?..
These questions – they haunt me.
Am I unable to do anything despite knowing ?
Who is the true me ?
The one I think from within … or the one who I otherwise be ?
They say God is merciful.
They say Do Good and think good.
They say do not be evil.
Could it be that all those ‘they’ are suffering too ?
Seeing dreams and yet living nightmares ?
Why am I seeming to be my best friend yet being my worst enemy ?
Why can I not think and do the same thing ?
Why do I feel like a stranger unto my own loving familiar self ?
Why do I pretend to be that which I'm not ?
Why ? Why ? Why ?
These are the questions that haunt me.
Yet, Why don't they haunt me when I'm apparently giving pain to one and all, around me ?
And Ironically, the times I feel sanest is when my soul is screaming in an agony of madness.
Why do I wish for Bliss & yet I live torture ?
Most people do not even think of these things ?
Do they not feel ? Do they not hurt ?
Why do bad things happen only to good people ?
We seek goodness with all yet ally ourselves with evil itself ?
Am I like this for a reason – a season, or for this whole lifetime ?
Will I remain Myself ?
Already. It's been so long that today its tough to recall how I once was or who I truly was.
I find it interesting that ‘how’ and ‘who’ are made of the same letters – yet …
…
I leave it to you and your own demons or angels to the answer to that last question.
I am not an evil person yet I cause immense pain to all around me.
I’m not a religious person yet I sense God & his presence all around me.
I didn't , rather I still don't any faith – yet the very fact that I am somehow still alive is nothing short of a miracle.
I do not have belief in me, yet the ones around me, do.
Today is a festive occasion.
A celebration of darkness being vanquished by light.
The festival of love and light.
I guess, I’ll pretend to be bathed in light – whilst swathed in darkness.
Why do we do the things we do to ourselves ?
Maybe some questions were meant to, and are best - left unanswered.
Maybe...
