Why is it that I seek darkness when I’m surrounded by light ?

Why is it I am in pain when I seem to heal others ?

Why do I constantly seek misery whilst wanting glory

Why do I imprison myself whilst I preach freedom ?

Why is it I seem to touch God, yet act as the Devil incarnate ?

 

Why do we say something and yet do something ?

Why is it we are unable to see the darkness within even as we bathe in light ?

Why is it we choose a daily pocketful of suicide even as we are showered with life ?..

These questions – they haunt me.

 

Am I unable to do anything despite knowing ? 

Who is the true me ? 

The one I think from within … or the one who I otherwise be ?

They say God is merciful. 

They say Do Good and think good. 

They say do not be evil. 

Could it be that all those ‘they’ are suffering too ? 

Seeing dreams and yet living nightmares ? 

Why am I seeming to be my best friend yet being my worst enemy ? 

Why can I not think and do the same thing ? 

Why do I feel like a stranger unto my own loving familiar self ? 

Why do I pretend to be that which I'm not ? 

Why am I so afraid to be me ? 

Why ? Why ? Why ?

These are the questions that haunt me. 

Yet, Why don't they haunt me when I'm apparently giving pain to one and all, around me ?

And Ironically, the times I feel sanest is when my soul is screaming in an agony of madness. 

Why do I wish for Bliss & yet I live torture ? 

Most people do not even think of these things ?

Do they not feel ? Do they not hurt ? 

 Or maybe they do - but they can turn & look away.

If so, They are truly lucky.

 Maybe even blessed.

 

Why do bad things happen only to good people ? 

We seek goodness with all yet ally ourselves with evil itself ? 

Am I like this for a reason – a season, or for this whole lifetime ? 

Will I remain Myself ?

Or will I too, turn into someone else. 

Already. It's been so long that today its tough to recall how I once was or who I truly was.

I find it interesting that ‘how’ and ‘who’ are made of the same letters – yet …

…

I leave it to you and your own demons or angels to the answer to that last question.

I am not an evil person yet I cause immense pain to all around me.

I’m not a religious person yet I sense God & his presence all around me.

I didn't , rather I still don't any faith – yet the very fact that I am somehow still alive is nothing short of a miracle.

I do not have belief in me, yet the ones around me, do. 

Today is a festive occasion. 

A celebration of darkness being vanquished by light. 

The festival of love and light. 

I guess,  I’ll pretend to be bathed in light – whilst swathed in darkness. 

Why do we do the things we do to ourselves ? 

Maybe some questions were meant to, and are best - left unanswered.

Maybe...